An Inhuman Condition

Keep calm; carry on.

If you aren’t up for the extremes of death through failure and death through success, I have the perfect answer for you. There is definitely a way to kill yourself with mediocrity. It’s more of a long-term commitment than the other two, but it doesn’t require a whole lot of work. This is the option most appealing to my sample group, and it could be a great fit for anyone.

Do you lack (or have you given up) any real dreams or aspirations? Do you play video games all day? Are you in your mid-twenties and still living with your parents? Are you stuck in a relationship heading nowhere but content to stay because it’s comfy? Have you been working the same shitty job or type of job for more than five years? Are you starting a family? Are you a college graduate making less than $20k a year? Are you just shuffling along day after day? Are you pushing forward in a career or field of study that doesn’t make your dick (or clit) hard? Are you letting bills, rent, obligations keep you from the things you really want?

Then this is the method for you.

If you can answer yes to any of those questions, then you’re already on the path. That’s the good news. Chances are if you’re already this far along, there’s only one thing more you need to do. Settling for anything is a form of death in itself. Life is a struggling sort of thing. We don’t have to battle bears and Vikings anymore (mostly). We’re not shivering in caves or huts waiting for something wild to poison us or dine on our entrails, so life isn’t really that hard. But there’s still the battle to find meaning, happiness, greatness, etc. If you’ve given up and hunkered down in a life of quiet desperation, you aren’t living.

So if you’re settling, the one thing you have to do is this: keep it up.

If you aren’t striving for something anymore, nothing is going to come along and make your life exciting again. The bears and Vikings aren’t going to siege your house, apartment or trailer. New doors of intrigue and adventure aren’t going to pop open around you. If you’re content, just stay that way. You might live a hundred years, but without a fire you’re already dead. It’s the most convenient way to kill yourself: the most convenient I’ve found.